Some Social Anxiety Hacks to Help You Out

Social anxiety is something I don’t think is discussed enough. It’s a silent struggle many of us face, and yet the conversation around it often gets brushed under the rug. I’ve been dealing with social anxiety since I was 10 years old, and by the time I turned 18, I started medicating, drinking, and abusing substances to quiet those feelings of dread and fear that would arise in social situations. It’s been a long journey, and now at 27, I’m actively healing and unlearning all the ways I’ve coped with this deep-rooted anxiety.

I want to bring more awareness to social anxiety and have more open conversations about it. Through my own healing journey, I’ve found ways that have helped me and continue to help me as I navigate exposure therapy, practice self-love, and slowly rewire my nervous system. As I continue on this path, I’ll be sharing insights and tips that have worked for me, with the hope of connecting with others who may be experiencing the same thing.

Healing is a process, and together we can make it less lonely and more supported. Stay tuned for more posts as I reflect on my own experiences and share strategies that have been transformative in my recovery.

Social anxiety can be a real mood killer. You want to make deep connections, but that pesky voice in your head keeps whispering, “What if I say something weird? What if they think I’m awkward? What if I spill my drink all over myself and then they’ll definitely judge me?” The struggle is real. But these hacks are things I’ve tried in real time that helped me out. These are the first that came to mind so I’ll probably make a part two of this post if you liked it with more.

1. Shift Your Focus

When meeting new people, instead of thinking, “Will they like me?” try asking yourself, “Will I like them?” This shifts the focus off your perceived awkwardness and onto something more productive: whether or not they’re worth your time. It’s like switching from worrying about how to fit in to deciding whether you want to fit in. Less pressure, more freedom, and suddenly the conversation feels way less stressful.

2. Calm Your Nervous System Beforehand

Before stepping into any social situation, it’s important to take a moment to calm your nervous system. This can be a game-changer, ensuring you don’t walk in already feeling amped up and overwhelmed. If you leave the house in a fight-or-flight state, you’re stacking more anxiety on top of an already heightened state, and that’s a recipe for disaster.

To prevent this, take some time to ground yourself before heading out. One of the easiest ways is by listening to calming music or Hz frequencies (I love the 528 Hz “love frequency”). It’s like giving your brain a mini spa session before you put on your social hat. You can listen to it while walking to the event, on your commute, or even when you’re chilling at home. Focus on the present moment—don’t get caught up in imagining how things will unfold or overthinking what could go wrong. If your mind starts to spiral, simply redirect your attention to your breath or the music. Staying in the here and now helps you keep anxiety in check.

Another powerful tool is deep breathing or a quick meditation session before you leave. Deep breaths activate your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” mode), which helps calm you down. You can try box breathing—inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, and hold for 4 again—or just take slow, steady breaths to reset your body. Even just 5-10 minutes of meditation can help you feel more centered before you go out.

By regulating your nervous system ahead of time, you set yourself up for success. You’ll feel more grounded and capable of handling whatever the social situation throws at you, making the whole experience smoother and less daunting.

3. Don’t Overthink What to Say

Stop stressing about saying the “perfect” thing. Instead, think about how you make others feel. Focus on the energy you bring, not the words you say. Honestly, if you’re worried about being the most intellectual person in the room, it’s time to throw that pressure out the window. People are more interested in how they feel around you than whether you can recite the entire works of Shakespeare. Relax, be yourself, and the conversation will flow more naturally.

4. Honor Your Body When You Feel Overheated

If your nervous system starts to feel like it’s overheating in a social situation, it’s okay to hit pause and give yourself some space. Excuse yourself to the bathroom for a quick self-regulation break. Run your hands under cold water, do a little EFT tapping on your collarbone (you’ll know you’re doing it right when you yawn—trust me, it works), or practice a few deep breaths. Try box breathing: 4 seconds in, 4 seconds hold, 4 seconds out, 4 seconds hold. Your body will thank you, and you’ll feel way more centered when you re-enter the social scene.

5. Practice Exposure Therapy

Here’s the big one: exposure therapy. Start small—test the waters with low-pressure situations, like saying “hi” to a stranger or striking up a quick conversation with the barista. You might feel your heart race at first, but the more you push through those awkward moments, the more your brain will realize you’re not going to die from social interaction (surprise!). The anxiety will still show up, but with time, you’ll prove it wrong and learn that you can handle these situations without turning into a human puddle of nerves.

6. Romanticize Your Life

Treat your life like a movie and you’re the main character. Would the lead character of your favorite film walk into a room hunched over, worrying about how they’ll be perceived? Absolutely not! They’d walk with their head held high, strut with confidence, and approach social situations with curiosity and excitement. Try adopting that mindset in your social situations—stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and start focusing on how great things could go.

8. Create an Alter Ego

Honestly, this is one of my favorite hacks because it really works. Create an alter ego with all the traits you want to embody. How does she walk? How does she talk? How does she act? What does she wear? You can get super specific with it. Name her, even! The main thing is to write all of this down and then practice using your alter ego when you go out. The more you do this, the more effortless it becomes. If your alter ego is confident, outgoing, and smooth in every conversation, start embodying that! Soon enough, that’s how you’ll always show up. Think of it not as being inauthentic but as being the version of yourself you were always meant to be, without the anxiety.

9. Hack: Don’t Identify with Your Anxiety – You’re Not It

One simple hack that has helped me tremendously is not identifying with my social anxiety. When I feel anxiety creeping in, instead of labeling myself as “someone with anxiety,” I simply acknowledge the feeling and meet it with self-compassion.

When I notice the physical and mental byproducts of anxiety, I take a deep breath and say, “Oh, that’s anxiety coming up… okay, I see you.” Then, I consciously shift my thoughts. The first anxious thought might pop up due to old conditioning, but I’ve learned that while I can’t always control that first thought, I can control the second, third, and fourth thoughts. This gives me power back.

Anxiety doesn’t define me—it’s just something I’m experiencing in the moment. I’m not my anxiety, and the more I remind myself of that, the less control it has over me.

If anxiety manifests physically—like a racing heart or tense shoulders—I don’t add to it with more anxious thoughts. Instead, I meet the sensation with compassion. I tell myself, “This is just a feeling. I’m not dying. I’m okay.” By acknowledging the physical sensations without allowing my mind to spiral, I stop the vicious loop of anxiety. It’s a fleeting moment, and I have the power to shift it.

Let’s Chat About It!

What are some of your own social anxiety hacks? Have any of these resonated with you? Let’s get a convo going and share tips, stories, and support. I’d love to hear more in the comment section!